No Two Meals… One of My Few Selected Rules

By: Holly L. Goroff MS, RD, CDN

As an experienced dietitian in both clinical and community nutrition, I don’t have many rules when it comes to health and wellness.  I have the information, ability to motivate, perspective and strategy. I find empowering people with these qualities to meet their wellness goals is MUCH more effective for success then giving a bunch of rules, ‘do’s and don’ts’ and a meal plan. That said, I do have a one rule that I believe is crucial when trying to get young children to eat healthy: No two meals for any one meal time.

I work with both adult and childhood obesity clients and hear this all too often - ‘I want to eat healthier but my kids don’t like it so I make something for me and something for them’. This should not be the case as everyone in your family should be eating the same healthy meals.

No two meals for any one meal time means if one member of the family is trying to eat healthier and meet their wellness goals, and are making meals that help accomplish those goals, then that should be the dinner for the whole family.

It should NOT be the case that the healthy dinner is made for the person trying to lead the healthy lifestyle and the children are provided mac and cheese, for example, because they don’t want to eat the healthier meal. Don’t worry. If the child does not like the meal, and refuses to eat unless it is something they want, they won’t fall off the growth chart skipping a meal. They need to learn from the person who knows what they need to be healthier - which is the parent!

When you set this rule, children learn the benefits of healthy eating and following the rules of the parent.

How To Implement The Rule

I understand this might be a difficult rule to implement, especially if you have been serving two different meals and are looking to make a switch back to one.

A really helpful tip that I have is to allow your children to participate in any part of the meal, whether it is purchasing the foods at the market with you, washing or cutting the foods, or stirring the pot (with adult supervision). This hands on activity will increase their interest in trying the foods and even taking pride in helping with dinner.

If children have a tantrum because they did not get what they wanted at meal time, it is important to remember that the parent knows best, and succumbing to making the second meal because children put up a fight means essentially that they, the children, are calling the shots - I know it’s a harsh reality. These moments when parents stand their ground and set “tough” rule are life lessons for the children, and will resonate far beyond the dinner table.

If you need to encourage yourself (because this transition may be hard depending on the children and their relationship with food so far) remember that by having children eat healthier more often, you are helping them avoid being in the position of having to change their dietary patterns to remain healthy in the future. They will learn to love their fruits and veggies and will mirror your health eating behaviors.

If you have further questions feel free to post them at The Mobile Dietitian on Facebook!

What are meal times like in your home? Do your children happily eat that same meal as the adults?

About the Author: Holly is an experienced dietitian in both clinical and community nutrition. She is currently serving as the Clinical Nutrition Manager at now guest blogger for Choosy Kids!

She received her Master of Science degree in Nutrition and Food Studies from the Steinhardt School at New York University. She is published through her research and contributing work at Burke Rehabilitation Center investigating nutritional factors impacting neurological rehabilitation in stroke patients.

In addition to managing her staff of clinical nutritionists, she has a passion for serving at-need and underserved communities. She teaches outreach programs focused on mindful eating and strategies to make healthier lifestyle choices to at-risk community populations. She has recently been made lead in her hospital for teaching and managing the outreach classes to reduce childhood obesity.

She has expertise in: weight loss and management, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, dealing with polypharmacy and achieving nutrition goals, achieving wellness goals in a creative and resourceful manner and motivating change.

Why Enforcing Rules Makes a Difference

By: Emily Murphy, Ph.D.

When I reflect on my childhood, I remember certain instances that I would say to myself, “I will never turn into my mother.”  Well guess what, I was wrong.  Don’t be mistaken, I love my mom more than the world itself, but as a head-strong child and adolescent there were certain things that I was convinced that my mom (and dad for that matter) had no clue about.  Below are a few examples of some of these things.

As a very involved and active child, my parents had a rule that both my sister and I were only allowed to be enrolled in a maximum of two organized activities at any one time.  So I was tasked with deciding between field hockey, cello, piano, softball, etc. At the time, I did not see any purpose for this parental decision being forced upon me. The only explanation that I could see through my child lens was that my parents were being mean and selfish.  Boy was I wrong.  Fast forward 15 years to the time when I became a parent myself and the reasons behind that rule now appear crystal clear. My parents developed and enforced this rule because they knew that family time was equally, if not more important than, a multitude of structured activities.

In our busy world today, many parents think that in order for their children to be successful they must get them involved in as much as possible.  But in reality, families need quality time together to be creative, to be physically active together, and to simply enjoy time together.  I often tell parents that I encounter through the various programs that I teach, that being overscheduled does not necessarily translate into having a healthy, happy child.  Many times, being overscheduled mean that children spend a lot of their spare time in a vehicle being transported from one activity to the next, eating fast food in the back of the car, and standing on a sport field waiting for a ball to be hit to them or their turn to play.  Unstructured family time can be filled with family-friendly physical activity like walking the dog or simply playing tag in the backyard. It can be spent preparing meals together, having a family game night, or a variety of other activities. 

Another thing that my parents always made us do when I was growing up was to sit down at the kitchen table and eat dinner together as a family most, if not all, days of the week.  Compared to my closest friends and neighbors, my family was one of the only families that had this ritual.  I used to think that my friends who were allowed to make themselves something to eat, or eat their meal in their bedroom or in front of the TV were so lucky.  Yep you got it, I was wrong again. 

Family mealtimes are important for many reasons.  Family meal times allow family members to connect and talk about important things that are going on in each other’s lives.  Eating meals as a family has also been shown to improve various health outcomes like more healthful dietary patterns (Larson, Neumark-Sztainer, Hannan & Story, 2007). In a study done in 2007, families who ate dinner together every day consumed an average of 0.8 more servings of fruits and vegetables compared to families who did not eat dinner together (Rockett, 2007). These families also had higher intakes of important nutrients such as dietary fiber, calcium, folate, vitamins B₆, B₁₂, C and E, and iron, and they were less likely to eat unhealthy fried foods and drink soda (Rockett, 2007).  In addition, children from families who eat together on a regular basis are more likely to have family support, positive peer influences, and positive adult role models (Fulkerson, Neumark-Sztainer & Story, 2006). 

I am sure glad my parents were right and that I was wrong about many rules that they had as I was growing up. In fact, most of those rules, including the two examples above, are now rules in my own household.  And yes, I am sure that my kids sometimes think that I am mean when I tell them to turn off the TV and put their cell phones away when we sit down together for a meal as a family, but I also know that when they look back at their childhoods they too will realize that my husband and I had these rules because we wanted what is best for their overall well-being. 

About the Author: Emily Murphy is an Obesity Prevention Specialist with the West Virginia University Extension Service.  By trade, she is a Pediatric Exercise Physiologist and her passion is promoting physical activity for kids and families.  While her daytime job is working as a faculty member at WVU, her most important, most rewarding and hardest (at times) job is being a mom to two amazing, creative and loving children.  

A state and national leader in childhood obesity prevention, Emily has nearly 15 years of experience helping children, communities and families get active and healthy.

She holds Bachelor’s, Master’s and doctoral degrees in exercise physiology from WVU. She served as an Extension specialist with the Family Nutrition Program from 2003 – 2005. She then joined the CARDIAC Project at the WVU School of Medicine where she helped implement and gain funding for new programs, like West Virginia Games for Health.

Murphy’s approach to better understanding and helping to resolve obesity issues is to begin by looking at the barriers unique to West Virginians.

To contact Emily, e-mail emily.murphy@mail.wvu.edu, or call 304-293-8589.