Cultivating a Sense of Belonging to Help Combat Bullying

By: Kristan Kostur, 

Co-Founder of Proudtree Empowered Learning

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. If you Google “bullying prevention” you’ll get more than 1,000,000 hits addressing this issue. You’ll find everything from eye-popping statistics to what some say are questionable statistics, and posts from those who believe this is simply sensationalism to heart-wrenching accounts of children who felt the only way out was to take their own lives.

We are often asked at Proudtree if our products are for anti-bullying. While they can be used with this intention, our focus is on helping to empower children with a sense of purpose and value—to help them build a strong principled foundation from which they can grow with respect for themselves and others. Our hope is to reach the child before circumstances arise that cause him or her to bully others, and to equip those being bullied with a sense of personal competence, resiliency, and control over their world so they have the confidence to transform it.

We begin with what we believe to be one of the most important aspects in a child’s healthy development—belonging. A sense of belonging—feeling valued, connected to others, and a part of something greater—gives children the emotional strength to overcome challenges and difficulties that emerge in their daily experiences.

The most important place for your child to feel that he or she belongs is at home. The feeling of belonging begins when you establish an emotional connection with your child, making sure he or she feels valued, safe, and loved. When children feel like they belong, they are more likely to perform better in school, make friends, and overcome roadblocks.

Here are some ideas you can use at home to support your child’s sense of belonging:

Let’s Read! - Storybooks are wonderful tools to use with children to help them understand their feelings. As your child watches and listens to the storybook, he or she will make a connection to the characters who share many of the same concerns and problems. This helps your child feel included instead of alone, and helps to develop a sense of belonging. As you read the story, ask questions such as:

• What is your favorite part of the story and why?
• What do you think the character is feeling?
• Have you ever felt that way?
• What does that feel like?

You can also have your child describe the characters—the color of their hair, for example, what they like to wear or things they like to do. Explain that meeting characters in a book can be like making new friends. Then ask which character your child would most like to have as a friend and why.

Family Ties - Support your child’s need to belong at home by trying some of these tips:

• Give your child uninterrupted, one-on-one playful time with you
• Take a genuine interest in what’s important to your child and support those desires
• Smile when your child enters the room
• Express your love freely and show plenty of affection
• Include your child in family matters and decision making
• Plan a family party with your child and include family traditions such as special foods, games, or stories

Just how important is it for children to cultivate a sense of belonging? How big of a role can it actually play when a child is being bullied? How likely is it for a child with loving and secure connections to engage in acts of bullying? Consider the invaluable words of author and research professor, Dr. Brené Brown: “We’re hardwired for connection—it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The absence of love, belonging, and connection always leads to suffering.”

What are some of the ways you support your child’s sense of belonging?

About the Author: Kristan Kostur is co-founder of Proudtree Empowered Learning, an educational company dedicated to developing unique materials and programs to help instill in children a sense of personal competence and internal worth—attributes which help them learn to expect success for themselves in school and beyond. To learn more about Proudtree Empowered Learning visit http://www.proudtree.com.

Empowering Your Child:How to Use Everyday Moments to Teach Essential Character-Building Themes

By: Kristan Kostur and Susan Lurz

 Founders of Proudtree Empowered Learning

Imagine a world where children feel free to be themselves; where they’re content and love who they are, where they feel like they belong and are accepted by others, and have the confidence to try to achieve their goals.

For many children this is a foreign concept. In today’s world, our children are faced with many demands and stresses which can leave them feeling alienated from their family and friends, confused by their developing emotions, and overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt.

The good news is—there is hope. Because you are your child’s guiding influence, you can provide him or her with the necessary skills to confront and overcome difficult challenges. You can help your child lay an empowering foundation on which he or she can grow strong and succeed in school and beyond.

So how do you begin to lay this empowering foundation? The first step is to recognize everyday opportunities where you can take advantage of teachable empowering moments. And finding these moments are easier than you might think. At Proudtree Empowered Learning, we focus on 10 character-building themes essential for healthy social and emotional development. Below we address two of those themes and ways you can begin to incorporate them in everyday experiences.

Making Choices: When you give children opportunities to plan and make choices, you’ll begin to see them gain a sense of control and confidence. You can support your child’s choice-making skills by involving him or her in appropriate family decisions, or by teaching safe and healthy choices such as wearing a bike helmet or choosing healthy snack options, or by offering choices during daily routines such as asking, “Would you like to brush your teeth before or after taking a bath?” It’s important to limit the number of choices—the fewer the better, and to offer small, manageable choices based on your child’s ability.

Recognizing Emotions: Your child’s ability to understand and recognize emotions plays an important role in his or her overall development. Children benefit when adults help them make sense of their feelings and learn to communicate them in a safe and effective way. A fun way to explore recognizing emotions with children is by reading storybooks together and asking them to point out the different types of emotions they recognize in the characters. You can even ask them to imitate the characters’ facial expressions for the different emotions and name a time when they have felt that emotion.

These are just a few ways to incorporate essential character-building themes into everyday moments to help children develop a sense of purpose and value. And by simply creating these positive and nurturing learning opportunities, you impact how children come to view themselves as powerful!

What are some of the ways you support your child’s choice-making skills and ability to recognize emotions?

To learn more about additional character-building themes, visit us at proudtree.com.

About the Authors: Kristan Kostur and Susan Lurz are the founders of Proudtree Empowered Learning, an educational company dedicated to developing unique materials and programs to help instill in children a sense of personal competence and internal worth—attributes which help them learn to expect success for themselves in school and beyond.

Ready…Set…It's Time for School!

By: Molly Luke, Early Intervention Specialized Instruction Teacher, Montgomery County Intermediate Unit, Norristown, PA

Been to TARGET lately? They've been getting me ready for school since the 4^th of July! Yes, families...it's that time of year to start stocking up on markers, new back-packs and back-to-school clothing sales! But is your child REALLY ready for school? Is your young child confident to start the year? That's what it's all about…confidence. Your child might not be the 4 year-old valedictorian, but you need to ask yourself if your child can walk into the classroom feeling empowered and eager.

As a teacher of 10 years (mostly preschool age) and a mom of a two year old, here is a list of MUST DO's to think about in preparation for that first day. (lists are in no particular order!)

As a teacher of 10 years (mostly preschool age) and a mom of a two year old, here is a list of MUST DO's to think about in preparation for that first day. (lists are in no particular order!)

Age newborn to 3: Child Care kids

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Pre-School Kids

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In summary, I hope the above was a good helpful list to get you back to school. Just one thing to leave you on…please do not ask your child "what happened at school today?" This is an open-ended question and it is hard for a child to answer. Try and narrow it down to make your child feel that you care, and brush up on what really is going on in school. i.e. How was gym class today? Who did you play with on the playground? How did your presentation go? Was the test hard? This way, you will get a little more information when you narrow down the topic. And hopefully you won't get the classic "nothing" response, because your child will be impressed that you remembered something specific about the day. Besides, reverse the situation…do you want to tell them about your typical work day- UGH, NO! But maybe you did have a conference, presentation, out-of-the-ordinary event that would make it worthwhile to share. Enjoy your back to school milestones!

PS - Take our back to school survey for a chance to win great prizes! 

About the Author: Hello! I have been teaching for about 10 years now, ages Pre-K through 8th grade…needless to say, I am a life-long learner and always looking for new thing to challenge my body and brain to do in a classroom! Outside of the classroom, family comes first! My husband Dan, baby Marshall and basset hound Penelope enjoy my naturally caffeinated personality on a regular basis. The whole family enjoys traveling, and I personally have a goal of visiting all 7 continents! 2 more to go!