Cultivating a Sense of Belonging to Help Combat Bullying

By: Kristan Kostur, 

Co-Founder of Proudtree Empowered Learning

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. If you Google “bullying prevention” you’ll get more than 1,000,000 hits addressing this issue. You’ll find everything from eye-popping statistics to what some say are questionable statistics, and posts from those who believe this is simply sensationalism to heart-wrenching accounts of children who felt the only way out was to take their own lives.

We are often asked at Proudtree if our products are for anti-bullying. While they can be used with this intention, our focus is on helping to empower children with a sense of purpose and value—to help them build a strong principled foundation from which they can grow with respect for themselves and others. Our hope is to reach the child before circumstances arise that cause him or her to bully others, and to equip those being bullied with a sense of personal competence, resiliency, and control over their world so they have the confidence to transform it.

We begin with what we believe to be one of the most important aspects in a child’s healthy development—belonging. A sense of belonging—feeling valued, connected to others, and a part of something greater—gives children the emotional strength to overcome challenges and difficulties that emerge in their daily experiences.

The most important place for your child to feel that he or she belongs is at home. The feeling of belonging begins when you establish an emotional connection with your child, making sure he or she feels valued, safe, and loved. When children feel like they belong, they are more likely to perform better in school, make friends, and overcome roadblocks.

Here are some ideas you can use at home to support your child’s sense of belonging:

Let’s Read! - Storybooks are wonderful tools to use with children to help them understand their feelings. As your child watches and listens to the storybook, he or she will make a connection to the characters who share many of the same concerns and problems. This helps your child feel included instead of alone, and helps to develop a sense of belonging. As you read the story, ask questions such as:

• What is your favorite part of the story and why?
• What do you think the character is feeling?
• Have you ever felt that way?
• What does that feel like?

You can also have your child describe the characters—the color of their hair, for example, what they like to wear or things they like to do. Explain that meeting characters in a book can be like making new friends. Then ask which character your child would most like to have as a friend and why.

Family Ties - Support your child’s need to belong at home by trying some of these tips:

• Give your child uninterrupted, one-on-one playful time with you
• Take a genuine interest in what’s important to your child and support those desires
• Smile when your child enters the room
• Express your love freely and show plenty of affection
• Include your child in family matters and decision making
• Plan a family party with your child and include family traditions such as special foods, games, or stories

Just how important is it for children to cultivate a sense of belonging? How big of a role can it actually play when a child is being bullied? How likely is it for a child with loving and secure connections to engage in acts of bullying? Consider the invaluable words of author and research professor, Dr. Brené Brown: “We’re hardwired for connection—it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The absence of love, belonging, and connection always leads to suffering.”

What are some of the ways you support your child’s sense of belonging?

About the Author: Kristan Kostur is co-founder of Proudtree Empowered Learning, an educational company dedicated to developing unique materials and programs to help instill in children a sense of personal competence and internal worth—attributes which help them learn to expect success for themselves in school and beyond. To learn more about Proudtree Empowered Learning visit http://www.proudtree.com.

The First Day of Pre-School and Only a Few Tears Shed…By Me

By: Christine Cox, The Choosy Mommy

I did it. I just took Capri to her first day of pre-school. I ALMOST made it out of the building without shedding a tear until I saw a little boy crying about leaving his mom. Then I cried…Capri was fine.

I know that the experience of going to pre-school is going to be so rewarding for her. At her pre-school they are full steam ahead in learning over play, however, I fully believe in playing to learn and we do that at home. I am also thankful for fellow Choosy Kids blogger, Molly Luke, who shared her tips for going to school which really helped me!

My goal for Capri at pre-school is really to get her to adapt to being without me, to listen to someone other than myself or her dad, and to interact with other kids her age. She also needs to start to learn routines because we are a very flexible schedule kind of family!

I never went to child care or pre-school. I went straight to Kindergarten and to be honest, I had to take a test to even be allowed into the class because I missed the birthday cut off date by 3 days (parents – September birthdays are the hardest). I remember taking the test: building a tower of blocks, telling him my ABC’s and even correcting him when he spelled my last name wrong on the paper (it was a bit harder than it is now). Needless to say, after I corrected him we didn’t do any more tests…I was READY! Mind you, it was a half day program. Capri is in a 2-day, 2-hour program so the time difference is huge but I know that if I survived Kindergarten without even doing any kind of pre-school, then she should be fine.

This year, she is going to learn all of her ABC’s, how to count to 30 and learn lots of animals (hopefully some new ones that she doesn’t already know because she is an animal “expert”). Her teacher is amazing and a lot of parents with kids who already went through the same program have agreed that it is truly one of the best pre-schools in our area. Let’s cross our fingers that she meets some new friends (wouldn’t it be cute if she met her best friend in pre-k?!) and dives feet first into this new adventure…by herself, like a big girl.

And now the tears start to flow again. I knew this day would come. Everyone told me that time will just fly by when she is young but I truly had no idea time would go this fast. And now I look at Cam, already 4 months old, growing like a weed, knowing that in a short 3 years I’ll be doing this all over again with him. Hopefully I won’t cry, but who am I kidding, I am a mom.

How did you react when your children first went to school? Tell me your stories about this separation anxiety so that I know I am not the only one who cried!

About the Author: Christine Cox is the blog master and The Choosy Mommy for Choosy Kids. She has always had a passion for writing and is honored to contribute her work to this blog. Most of her writing inspiration comes from her daughter, Capri, who is fun-loving and full of energy, and newborn son Cam. Click here to learn more about Christine.